


He Remembers

by Jasmin_McPines



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Car Accidents, First Kiss, First Meetings, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Hospitals, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 10:45:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17744447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jasmin_McPines/pseuds/Jasmin_McPines
Summary: He doesn’t see the snowflakes gently falling to the ground around him. He doesn’t feel the cold. He doesn’t hear the wind.Instead, he remembers.





	He Remembers

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how to write angst, I just know how to draw/animate it, so sorry in advance.

It was a lovely winter's day. The sky was gray, the ground was white. A man watching the sight.

Jefferson sat out at his porch as he fiddled with something in his hand. The man didn't wear a coat or scarf to keep him warm. He just stared into the nothingness.

He doesn't see the snowflakes gently falling to the ground around him. He doesn't feel the cold. He doesn't hear the wind.

Instead, he remembers.

 

_He remembers the office that was poorly decorated, but he didn't mind. It was Madison's and he loved it, nevertheless._

_He had invited Madison to go out for dinner, celebrating their new friendship and maybe discussing the recent case they had to work on. They agreed on that Jefferson will knock on Madison's office-door whenever he was done with work, and that he did._

_They had been giving each other hints of affection for a while, but neither of them was sure enough if they meant what they hoped they would._

_After they went to the diner, they decided to walk their way home on such a beautiful evening and chatted for a while before Jefferson brought up the subject of Madison's possible partner._

_"So,_ James _," Jefferson said, glad they could finally address the other by their first name. "Where does your girlfriend work at? You haven't mentioned her, yet."_

_Madison shook his head, smiling. "That's because I'm not taken. To be quite honest, it's been a long time since my last relationship."_

_Jefferson smiled at that. He had hoped for that answer, with maybe a little explanation why Madison wasn't dating anyone._

_"And why's that? You're quite the catch. Any woman would be happy to have you."_

_"I completely disagree," Madison said as he pulled a face. "I can't tell you how wrong you are, Thomas." He seemed to be lost in mind for a bit, as if he was wanting to tell the other man something but didn't know how to. Then, he finally spoke._

_"What's your opinion on same-sex-marriage?" He asked._

_Jefferson grinned to himself. This was going better than expected. "Well, I don't see a problem with that. We're all human. It's a shame that this fact is sometimes judged by the sexuality of someone. Why do you ask?"_

_"Just a test."_

_"A test?" Now, Jefferson was a little confused._

_"Exactly. If it'd be safe for you to know that I'm not into women."_

_Jefferson hummed as he kept smiling to himself in satisfaction. "And what if I tell you that I relate to a similar statement?" He said softly while bending down slightly, waiting for Madison to give him permission. The latter smiled and Jefferson felt as if all his worries he'd ever had, had suddenly disappeared as he felt his cheeks heating up._

_"I'd be happy to test this first," Madison joked before the taller man closed the gap between them. The feeling was indescribable. It was amazing, hundreds and thousands of emotions flooding through their bodies. Their lips fit perfectly, as if they were meant to be connected._

 

He doesn't see. He doesn't hear. He doesn't feel. Not even the tear that streamed down his cheek.

He remembers.

He remembers the picnic they had at a Saturday night after the probably worst movie in existence, to quote Madison. He remembers him and Madison holding each other on the flannel blanket, simply watching the stars after they have driven away enough from the city to be able to see them.

He remembers the kisses, the kisses that could always amaze him, that would always make him fall in love even more with Madison after every single one.

He remembers the dinner he had prepared for them on Madison's birthday, being nervous throughout the evening until the latter noticed, until he couldn't hide it anymore.

He remembers asking Madison to move in with him, afraid he would say no.

He remembers how it felt when he had agreed. The happiness that shone through his eyes.

He remembers the feeling of waking up next to Madison every morning, how beautifully and peacefully he looked while still asleep. Every time his eyes fluttered open, he knew the day would be a great one.

He remembers the kisses that Jefferson trailed along Madison's shoulders hands and face, simply touching and feeling his skin.

But.

Jefferson also remembers the day he got a call from the hospital. He remembers the cancelled reservation at the restaurant, not forgetting about the ring in the pocket of his jacket.

He remembers seeing Madison as he arrived, how weak and frail he was.

 

_"James..." He said, walking towards the pained man and holding his hand, squeezing it in fear. He didn't get a response._

_"James, please. Please don't do this to me," he chocked out, tears already streaming down his face, panic in his voice. Madison's eyes squinted open._

_"Thomas?" He managed to whisper._

_Thomas' eyes widened. "James! Please don't leave me. You can do this, you hear me?"_

_"Thomas, I love you."_

_Jefferson almost couldn't see through his tears as he shakily knelt down on one knee. He pulled the velvet box out of his pocket and opened it with one hand, not letting go of Madison's._

_"James, I know this is what you wanted. This is what I want for us. Please, stay strong for us," he sobbed. "I-imagine our wedding and our future, together."_

_Madison's eyes filled with tears. Both, of pain - mentally and physically - and of happiness. His heart ached for knowing he wouldn't be there for Jefferson anymore._

_He wanted to say something, or at least do anything, but he couldn't even nod. Jefferson overcame with panic when he felt his lover's hand not holding his anymore, life draining out of his body. He stood up, wanted to wake him, but Madison didn't move._

_He shook him and begged him to come back, but nothing could ever accomplish that. He hugged him tightly and cried into his chest. The pain he suffered from could never be described by anyone._

_And worst of all: He hadn't had the chance to confirm the last thing Madison had said to him._

 

And there Jefferson was, sitting at his porch and watching the world. The world that was alive and dead at the same time.

He could never forget his eyes or his perfect smile. He would never forget the comforting feeling he felt in his presence and he would never dare to forget the time they first met or when they shared their first kiss.

He would never forget  _Madison_.

 

Jefferson kept fiddling with the ring in his hand as he stared emotionlessly out the world.

"I love you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> I got inspired by the best Jeffmads fiction in existence: Fractured by Philip_The_Poet. If you haven't read it already, read it PLEASE- and if you have...READ IT AGAIN!


End file.
